1994 Rwandan Genocide

I have been doing a lot of research and looking through reports and links given to me through Global Youth Connect as well as my own digging online.  It is very hard to look at, read, and watch video of what occurred.  I often have needed to take a break in my research.  It is just too difficult to continue with a clear mind otherwise.  I know this is necessary to understand before going overseas and before truly diving into my research analysis for the trip, but it is very hard.... very hard to do.

I keep thinking a lot about my own family and friends.  I look at the differences between myself and my neighbors; I look at the differences between the Hutu and the Tutsi.  What makes them so different from each other?  What makes my family different from any other family on my own neighborhood street?  What drives someone to hurt others, abuse them, violate them, kill them.... I have read accounts of killers in the U.S. and abroad: serial killers with no remorse.  But this.... this is different.  Yes, the definition of a serial killer is someone who kills three or more victims (often with time to "cool off" in between), but are the Rwandan killers serial killers?  Rwanda was not made up of a majority of serial killers.  Instead, I believe it was ordinary people who were ingrained with hatred (most from a very early age) that were fueled with the ideals of an extremist regime.  Yes, there are many without remorse.  Others try to shift blame towards their comrades, their leaders, the hate radio, or the government.  But overall, they chose to kill for reasons that are past comprehension and much different than that of the stereotypical serial killer.  They killed methodically like it was their job.  For many, the rewards and compensation for killing were better than a job.  So many questions and not enough answers.  It seems as if the killers themselves do not even know all of the answers regarding this. 

The book Machete Season: The Killers in Rwanda Speak really is eye opening and it definitely is a must read.  Another, by the same author and written prior to Machete Season is A Life Laid Bare: The Survivors in Rwanda Speak.  I have not had time to get to this book yet.  I am literally 3/4 of the way through a documentary online and I had to press pause just to gather my thoughts.  It is a long one (almost two hours) but I implore everyone reading this to find the time to watch it at some point.  This documentary is entitled Ghosts of Rwanda: Full Documentary of the Genocide in Rwanda.  It can be found on youtube or by following this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVbP8m0aKXg  I purchased a few other books and they have been great thus far as well; one of these that I am currently reading is an account of Rosamond Carr's life and journey in Rwanda.  This one gives me hope in humanity. 

It is easy to always see the negative and the hatred, intolerance, and sadness that are ever-present in the world.  To constantly be drawn into this is disheartening and often leaves me feeling as if all the "good" I want to accomplish in the world may end up meaning nothing because at the end of the day, the "bad" is still present.  Then I have to remind myself of a few examples of people who have overcome this feeling and insisted upon spreading love to those that are in dire need of it instead of dwell upon the seemingly overwhelming troubles of the world.  Over the past year I have become very interested in the life and work of Mother Teresa and I think she definitely exemplified this idea to the fullest.  Rosamond Carr is one of the newest examples that I currently find myself drawing upon because of her work in Rwanda.  I hope that I am strong enough to remain on this path and hopefully make a difference.  Food, clothes, shelter.... these things do not flow freely and eventually they will run out or the money for them will run out.  But love and understanding are unconditional.  These are things, especially love, that can and should be given without reserve and without hesitation.  Even when worldly items are unavailable to those in need, we should remember that love is always available to be given freely to those around us.  It's hard to understand this sometimes, but I know I have to do this.... not for myself, but for those who I will be meeting in 58 days and for everyone else that I hope one day to help.